Commentaires 4ème partie - dernière même :-(

Alors voila la toute fin, le 15 mars 2008, presque 2 ans jours pour jour, le début d'une longue période de "deuil" pour moi, argh!

Je me suis un peu emballée pour ma réponse!

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Bon (il se fout de ma gueule là quand même?) samedi presso,

So I hope you are prepared (connard!) for my next comments.
At least two times you asked implicitely (plus explicitement que dire "when will be the next time?", tu meurs!), when we'll see next time. The answer  is: I don't know (on se mouille, c'est fou!). Well I guess that's not what you wanted to hear. But at the moment I'm not planning to come to Mtl (and I'm sure this you didn't want to hear).  And as I told you already in my "Paris email" (if I remember right), this distance "thing" doesn't work too well for me (ah oui parce que depuis le début, ça a beaucoup changé ce facteur là).

I wanted to write this earlier (ça m'aurait paru judicieux en effet!), but I didn't know when would be best and how (tu veux que je te fasse un dessin aussi peut-être?) and I was also a bit mentally occupied as well by Den Haag (oh pauvre petit chou!) (le chat est sorti du sac ensuite : il avait encore besoin de moi pour le français! Il s'est trahi dans un de nos appels subséquents!). I hope you were a little bit prepared for something like that by my previous emails (c'est une fucking joke?).

Tschüß,
Michael

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"Bon" (vous notez l'ironie?) samedi to you as well,

First i don't think i asked implicitely, but rather explicitely at least once (ok là, je suis fâchée!)! for example in my email from thursday i think. And then you completely ignored it this talking about i don't know know what, makes me feel so great! That'S what i wanted to say answering back to your email but i was on my high, i thought let'S wait what the next comments will be! ANd i really can't believe you thought at one point finishing your comments after the last one (ouais parce qu'après le numéro 3, il estimait que les "commentaires" étaient suffisants!!!) with everything still fuzzy! And the implicit question was more "i'd like to see you again, and you???", pretty simple!

And yeah while we're at it, what i'd like to really know is if your "i don't know" is a way to say "i don't know but i'd like to at some point even if i have no idea when and how" or "i say i don't know because i don't want to bother and say anything by lack of (courage?) or for any other reason but will never happen in fact" (on sait maintenant sans doute de quel coté ça allait!), and this i'd like to point is not in my definition of a brochet super (un toller Hecht = un mec bien en gros, c'est bien germain de choisir un brochet comme icone du "bien", et il s'en vantait quelques jours avant!)! I'd be really interested to know if  you'd have tell me this last week on skype? You knwo might have been messy, i'd probably have cried a bit, or hang up or tell you things you don't want necessarily to hear et oui un mauvais moment à passer(en français dans le texte! ! That's what i called a conclusion or a trend!!!

And you know what bothers me? I have the impression you're not straight with me because i don't know? you're afraid to lose your french conversationist (so that there'S no confusion about my definition of french)(genre qu'il confonde avec une pipe!) ???? this as well feels sooooo nice! (surtout qu'en plus j'avais raison!)

I clearly understand how your den haag thing and what going on at E*** (sa boite) (celle de la frangine aussi) can bother you, i'm very well placed to know how you can feel in this kind of situation! (mais moi je lui aurais jamais qu'il ne retrouverait pas de boulot en un mois... surtout quand mon interlocuteur est au bord des larmes!)

ANd yeah the distance thing not so great for me either, especially an ocean apart but it'S workable if the will is there. But i think it'S a very convenient excuse for you not to be more explicit and this i hate! And even this commenting process going on and on and on is very hard on me and your "blowing hot and cold" (i'll grant you the hot would rather be lukewarm like your previous email and the cold freezing like your yesterday first email in your case, but i hang onto whatever hope i have!) (gourde) as i told you in french yesterday doesn't help at all, if you think it helps to spare my feelings (connard couard!)! Because it prevents me from crying for good and then moving on to something else because this will probably take me some time, so the sooner the better. You know the bandage theory, rip it fast, it hurts but it fades sooner (i hope)? (on peut dire que ça a un peu été un problème en effet pendant presque 2 ans, argh!)

Believe it or not i didn't expect you to come to Mtl anytime soon (ben non, chus trop gourde pour ça), can't say i wouldn't love it if you would and i already told i think you had an open invite (mouais enfin plus maintenant) (enfin il a toujours une invit ouverte à vie à recevoir un coup de genou bien placé!). But you know i considered other possibilities as well than PAris etc. (j'allais faire jouer mes connexions pour l'usine d'ex-boite que j'aimais à 80 km de chez lui) (je lui ai demandé une autre fois ce qu'il aurait dit (à part scheisse!) si j'avais été dans le rayon de 100km qu'il exigeait? Of course, il a ignoré la question! Quoique au téléphone il s'était mis à bafouiller et à dire qu'on allait pas raisonner sur des hypothèses...) Won't tell you which since now they feel so useless (et qu'il en a jamais rien eu à foutre du tout).

So yeah now to make it easy for you i simply expect an answer to my 2nd paragraph in caes you wondered! Oh no something else as well! I'd really like to know why you insisted so much to get my email du samedi because you were bright enough to know more or less what it was about, no? By pure curiosity? To crush all my hopes without doing the messy work yourself? (bien sûr!) Why?????????

Bon je vais annuler mon rendez-vous de midi (rendez-vous épilation "totale", disons que dans le contexte ça me faisait pas trop envie!) (quoique ça aurait changé le mal de place!) (mais y arriver les yeux rouges et gonflés, moyen), not in the mood for this kind of session and go back to bed!

Ciao
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Après ça il ne m'a rien répondu jusqu'au lendemain soir (après emails de ma part + sms) en me disant qu'il savait pas quoi dire!!! Encore une fois, révélateur d'un grand courage!